Gatdanflatkam is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, pitiless penguin.

Gatdanflatkam created the universe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatdanflatkam, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gatdanflatkam, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gatdanflatkam's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gatdanflatkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about galaxies.

2. Never feed beans to gulls while wearing white scarves.

3. Never talk about dogs.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never play with disobedient children.