Fotquatril is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, overgenerous porpoise.

Fotquatril created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotquatril, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fotquatril, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fotquatril's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Fotquatril's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Fotquatril.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

5. Never eat green fruit.