Rutcap Podvencat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unselfish dugong.

Rutcap Podvencat created a photon three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rutcap Podvencat, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Rutcap Podvencat, she will turn you into a snail.

Rutcap Podvencat's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Rutcap Podvencat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to tortoises while wearing pink boots.

2. Do not speak about corn.

3. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.

4. Always obey Rutcap Podvencat's priests.

5. Always help cats in need.