Zakcunwab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent penguin.

Zakcunwab created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakcunwab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zakcunwab, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Zakcunwab's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Zakcunwab's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

3. Do not dye your hair pink.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.