Quamwonbus is a god.

She takes the form of a large, cheerful crab.

Quamwonbus created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Quamwonbus, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quamwonbus, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quamwonbus' most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Quamwonbus' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.