Ontveenbid is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, clever giraffe.

Ontveenbid created an electron nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ontveenbid, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontveenbid, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Ontveenbid's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Ontveenbid's Holy Commandments

1. Ontveenbid loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

3. Worship no other gods but Ontveenbid.

4. Do not hurt doves.

5. Never talk about black holes.