Sasmapcut is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, two-faced dolphin.

Sasmapcut created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Sasmapcut, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sasmapcut, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Sasmapcut's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Sasmapcut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Sasmapcut loves pigs, so they must be respected.