Sagquagcun is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, vain tapir.

Sagquagcun created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagquagcun, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sagquagcun, she will make you grow a tail.

Sagquagcun's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Sagquagcun's Holy Commandments

1. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never think about spacetime near moths while wearing blue jumpers and balancing six gold spheres on your hands.

3. Do not kill swans.

4. Always treat great tits with great respect.

5. Do not shave your arms.