Fidganpid Siskaptail is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unsympathetic pig.

Fidganpid Siskaptail created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fidganpid Siskaptail, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fidganpid Siskaptail, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fidganpid Siskaptail's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fidganpid Siskaptail's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near snails while wearing yellow kilts.

2. Do not wear gray clothing.

3. Hide if eight mites approach from the south.

4. Do not speak about coconuts.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.