Wapquafgan is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, idiotic bird.

Wapquafgan created the Black Eye Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapquafgan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Wapquafgan, he will turn you into a plant.

Wapquafgan's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Wapquafgan's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed corn to dogs while wearing gray skirts.

3. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Wapquafgan in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always pray immersed in water.