Jadmabpad is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unselfish guinea pig.

Jadmabpad created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadmabpad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jadmabpad, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Jadmabpad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jadmabpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Jadmabpad.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.