Kaptapomin is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, grumpy hare.

Kaptapomin created water two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kaptapomin, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kaptapomin, she will destroy your home solar system.

Kaptapomin's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Kaptapomin's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Run away if eight pigs approach from the south.

3. Never think about archaea.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near squirrels while wearing red tights and balancing seven tin spheres on your feet.