Taflinstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, conceited dugong.

Taflinstaf created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taflinstaf, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Taflinstaf, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Taflinstaf's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Taflinstaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Taflinstaf eight times a day.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Run away from violet goats, for they are unholy.