Pan is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, merciless skunk.

Pan created gold seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pan, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Pan, it will turn you into a snail.

Pan's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Pan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near squirrels while wearing black kilts and balancing six aluminium spheres on your feet.

3. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

4. Never mention aardvarks.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing orange rings and balancing nine tin spheres on your hands.