Ladmutcut is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, loving pig.

Ladmutcut created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladmutcut, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ladmutcut, she will be mildly annoyed.

Ladmutcut's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ladmutcut's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Ladmutcut in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not wear magenta clothing.

5. Never pour water over plants.