Shavlapcitrap is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, duplicitous newt.

Shavlapcitrap created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Shavlapcitrap, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Shavlapcitrap, she will turn you into a worm.

Shavlapcitrap's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Shavlapcitrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick ducks.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always wear black.

5. Always look after injured bats.