Witzimbab is a god.

It takes the form of a large, omnipotent dove.

Witzimbab created dark matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Witzimbab, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Witzimbab, it will turn you into a goat.

Witzimbab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Witzimbab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about dark energy near shrews while wearing blue skirts and balancing four silicon spheres on your face.

3. Always look after injured tortoises.

4. Do not keep three snails in a large pit.

5. Do not drink water in purple rooms.