Hanlegxem is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, witless crocodile.

Hanlegxem created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hanlegxem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hanlegxem, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Hanlegxem's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hanlegxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of dolphins.

2. Hanlegxem must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never wear indigo dresses.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Hanlegxem in the centre of the settlement.