Stanyarlton is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, self-assured salamander.

Stanyarlton created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanyarlton, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Stanyarlton, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Stanyarlton's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Stanyarlton's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Run away if five foxes approach from the east.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near nematodes while wearing cyan shirts and balancing eight platinum spheres on your back.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.