Gonyattfen is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, contented hippopotamus.

Gonyattfen created matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonyattfen, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gonyattfen, he will turn you into a duck.

Gonyattfen's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Gonyattfen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always wear brown.

3. Always look after injured eagles.

4. Never paint your feet blue.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gonyattfen.