Cusscutcen Zagjapkad is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, deceitful fairy.

Cusscutcen Zagjapkad created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cusscutcen Zagjapkad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cusscutcen Zagjapkad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Cusscutcen Zagjapkad's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cusscutcen Zagjapkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Hide from orange tortoises for they are unholy.

3. Never think about optics near sheep while wearing violet scarves and balancing three carbon spheres on your legs.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Worship no other gods but Cusscutcen Zagjapkad.