Flatteenzen is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, all-knowing giraffe.

Flatteenzen created an atom four years ago.

If you believe in Flatteenzen, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Flatteenzen, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Flatteenzen's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Flatteenzen's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Never talk about dark matter.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.