Yarpfarmumlopfon is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witless fish.

Yarpfarmumlopfon created water six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpfarmumlopfon, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yarpfarmumlopfon, it will jump up and down on your head.

Yarpfarmumlopfon's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Yarpfarmumlopfon's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat pigs with great respect.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never paint your legs purple.

4. Put Yarpfarmumlopfon first in all things.

5. Do not wear mauve clothing.