Zimtagwat is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, almighty swan.

Zimtagwat created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimtagwat, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zimtagwat, he will think nothing of it.

Zimtagwat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Zimtagwat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair red.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zimtagwat.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Run away if nine aardvarks approach from the north.

5. Always help sick pigs.