Labmumstanvogtonvoglanhot is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, loving mole.

Labmumstanvogtonvoglanhot created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Labmumstanvogtonvoglanhot, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Labmumstanvogtonvoglanhot, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Labmumstanvogtonvoglanhot's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Labmumstanvogtonvoglanhot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near snakes while wearing white hats and balancing four gold spheres on your legs.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about tapirs.

5. Never feed bananas to squirrels while wearing shoes.