Quatgodstrag Vigcentaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, fast monkey.

Quatgodstrag Vigcentaf created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quatgodstrag Vigcentaf, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Quatgodstrag Vigcentaf, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Quatgodstrag Vigcentaf's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Quatgodstrag Vigcentaf's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Always look after injured voles.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Hide if four capybaras approach from the north.