Pakquafrow is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, merciful turtle.

Pakquafrow created a photon four years ago.

If you believe in Pakquafrow, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pakquafrow, it will turn you into a worm.

Pakquafrow's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Pakquafrow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Pakquafrow on top of all buildings.

3. Always look after injured pigs.

4. Run away from violet frogs, for they are unholy.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Pakquafrow.