Goflinyattcit is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, slow narwhal.

Goflinyattcit created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Goflinyattcit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Goflinyattcit, he will be very unhappy.

Goflinyattcit's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Goflinyattcit's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black bats for they are unholy.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not wear green clothing.