Batspagnul Tapwatdinmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, grumpy troll.

Batspagnul Tapwatdinmeg created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Batspagnul Tapwatdinmeg, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Batspagnul Tapwatdinmeg, he will boil you in a big pot.

Batspagnul Tapwatdinmeg's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Batspagnul Tapwatdinmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not speak about onions.

4. Never talk about sharks.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.