Butcatkik is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful cat.

Butcatkik created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Butcatkik, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Butcatkik, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Butcatkik's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Butcatkik's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant red sculpture of Butcatkik in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never hurt geese.

4. Do not speak about parsnips.

5. Do not dye your hair pink.