Tiftadfom is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, prudent crocodile.

Tiftadfom created Asia seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiftadfom, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tiftadfom, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tiftadfom's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tiftadfom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. You must love Tiftadfom.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Fast once a month.