Pakvonduss is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, contented unicorn.

Pakvonduss created the cosmos three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakvonduss, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Pakvonduss, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pakvonduss' most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Pakvonduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to snails while wearing kilts.

2. Pakvonduss loves sharks, so they must be respected.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Pakvonduss.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Run away if six shrews approach from the west.