Quarthivkap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, pitiless turtle.

Quarthivkap created dark matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quarthivkap, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quarthivkap, he will not care at all.

Quarthivkap's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Quarthivkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not keep four horses in a large pit.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Great tits are not to be trusted.

5. Never write about quantum field theory.