Metvonkvad is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, contented dog.

Metvonkvad created everything that exists two million years ago.

If you believe in Metvonkvad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Metvonkvad, he will be very unhappy.

Metvonkvad's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Metvonkvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never think about cell theory.