Tifguddim is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, loving fly.

Tifguddim created Asia six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifguddim, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tifguddim, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tifguddim's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tifguddim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five rats approach from the east.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.