Lamhomfut Rancim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, smart fairy.

Lamhomfut Rancim created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamhomfut Rancim, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lamhomfut Rancim, he will turn you into a goat.

Lamhomfut Rancim's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Lamhomfut Rancim's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Never eat pineapples.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. You must never eat cucumbers.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Lamhomfut Rancim in the centre of the settlement.