Vigponflig is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, contented tapir.

Vigponflig created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vigponflig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vigponflig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vigponflig's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Vigponflig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat carrots.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Vigponflig on top of all buildings.

3. Do not wear cyan clothing.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. You must never eat pineapples.