Largstipwee is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, tiresome newt.

Largstipwee created dark matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Largstipwee, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Largstipwee, she will be very sad.

Largstipwee's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Largstipwee's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never think about special relativity near frogs while wearing pink stockings and balancing eight copper spheres on your arms.

3. Do not wear red clothing.

4. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Largstipwee on top of all buildings.

5. Never hurt squirrels.