Japbanzakcussfigjatlat is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciful hamster.

Japbanzakcussfigjatlat created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japbanzakcussfigjatlat, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Japbanzakcussfigjatlat, she will turn you into a hamster.

Japbanzakcussfigjatlat's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Japbanzakcussfigjatlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not make images of living things.