Cissrawven is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Cissrawven created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissrawven, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cissrawven, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Cissrawven's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Cissrawven's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Always help sick sheep.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near manatees while wearing turquoise skirts.

4. Never feed coconuts to nematodes while wearing black hats.

5. Never write about nucleic acids.