Quartwigneg is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unfair goat.

Quartwigneg created an atom six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartwigneg, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quartwigneg, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Quartwigneg's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Quartwigneg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism near nematodes while wearing brown scarves and balancing five carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Never paint your head turquoise.

4. Do not wear green clothing.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near shrews while wearing indigo corsets.