Lipbonnig is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, dishonourable unicorn.

Lipbonnig created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipbonnig, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lipbonnig, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Lipbonnig's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Lipbonnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Lipbonnig loves moths, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not trade with those who eat melons.