Shavquartsin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest rhinoceros.

Shavquartsin created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Shavquartsin, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Shavquartsin, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Shavquartsin's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Shavquartsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about rice.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not eat gooseberries.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. You must never eat oranges.