Bestlapqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, dishonest armadillo.

Bestlapqueeg created the Cigar Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestlapqueeg, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bestlapqueeg, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Bestlapqueeg's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Bestlapqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Whales are unholy and should not be approached.

3. You must pray to Bestlapqueeg four times a day.

4. Never hop in holy places.

5. Do not speak about turnips.