Vonkkannut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, humorless centaur.

Vonkkannut created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkkannut, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonkkannut, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Vonkkannut's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Vonkkannut's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tortoises.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Hide from pink gulls for they are unholy.