Nurbossbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, two-faced hamster.

Nurbossbeg created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Nurbossbeg, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nurbossbeg, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nurbossbeg's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Nurbossbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Nurbossbeg in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always obey Nurbossbeg's priests.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never think about optics near dogs while wearing blue shorts and balancing seven silicon spheres on your neck.