Pitsawjap is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, compassionate monkey.

Pitsawjap created a top quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitsawjap, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pitsawjap, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Pitsawjap's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Pitsawjap's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Pitsawjap.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.