Sabwanbit is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, annoying narwhal.

Sabwanbit created oxygen seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabwanbit, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sabwanbit, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Sabwanbit's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Sabwanbit's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never feed lemons to nematodes while wearing green tights.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. You must love Sabwanbit.

5. Never think about dark matter.