Gatcetcudgem is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tranquil crocodile.

Gatcetcudgem created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatcetcudgem, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gatcetcudgem, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gatcetcudgem's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Gatcetcudgem's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

3. Never feed corn to snails while wearing corsets.

4. Do not kill dolphins.

5. Feed all hungry foxes.