Titcaphom is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, stupid mole.

Titcaphom created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titcaphom, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Titcaphom, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Titcaphom's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Titcaphom's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Titcaphom.

2. Hide if four aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not covet oxen.